The Ties That Bind
by MrsWyle
Summary: Carter and Abby begin to rediscover their feelings for one another. But is it a lost cause? Carby. . .obviously!
1. Getting Ready

I looked at myself in my bedroom mirror. Hair was good, make-up was good, clothes were. . . horrible. I quickly stripped off the pants suit I had on and pulled all the dresses I owned out of my closet and threw them onto my bed.  
  
There was the pinkish bridesmaid one I'd worn when Carter and I went to that benefit at the history museum. We had spent most of that night looking for Richard's car just so I could let the air out of one of the tires. I smiled at the memory.  
  
There was the black one I'd worn when he gave five million dollars to some symphony hall or something. He always looked so handsome in a tux. But both those dresses were too fancy. Besides, he'd seen them both before. Not that I cared . . .  
  
The third, and last dress was made of dark purple velvet. It came down to my mid-thighs and had a pretty average neckline. I pulled it on over my head. I quickly, but carefully, put on a pair of nude panty hose. Since the dress was short sleeved I found a long black coat and lay it neatly on a chair by the door.  
  
I looked in the mirror again. 'Not bad,' I thought. My hair was swept up onto the back of my neck and I put the pearl necklace Carter had given me for Christmas last year. I slipped my feet into my little black heels and sat down to wait.  
  
After a minute or so of waiting I realized that I was nervous. And I was wearing a dress. I hated dresses. Why was I dressing up for him? I mean, I hate him. . .don't I?  
  
He dumped me in a letter. A LETTER! And he had promised me that he would never leave. But he did. Yet, I would still jump at another chance with him. Was this it? Was this my second chance?  
  
I took a deep breath. I had to calm down. If I didn't, then I'd spend the whole evening rambling and eventually say something better left unsaid. For example, "I love you."  
  
Where was he? It was five past six and, since I had known him, Carter had only ever been late once.  
  
Maybe he was nervous too. Maybe he saw this as a second chance also. I stood up and began pacing. I couldn't keep still. I felt like I would burst at any moment. I wanted to shout at him for leaving me. I wanted to tell him how much he had hurt me.  
  
I wanted to kiss him. God, he was such a good kisser.  
  
Finally, I heard him knock at the door. I gathered myself together and opened the door. I flashed him what I hoped was a sexy smile. He looked at me for a second and then said, "You hate dresses."  
  
I know this chapter is really short but I wanna start doing Carter's POV now. So the next chapter is coming soon. I mean really soon. Review!!!!! 


	2. Connecting

I meant to say, "you look beautiful," or "that dress looks really great on you," or anything else flattering. But no. I said, "you hate dresses. They way the smile disappeared from her face I knew that wasn't what she had expected me to say. I tried to recover.  
  
"But you look incredible. Really great, Abby. I mean it. I'm not just saying that. Is that the necklace I gave you? It looks really nice with. . ."  
  
"Shut up, Carter," she laughed. I was saved.  
  
"You ready?" I asked her. She nodded. I watched her lock her door and I had the strongest urge to wrap my arms around her and kiss her neck. I resisted.  
  
******************************  
  
I looked at my menu but I didn't actually see anything. I hadn't counted on this. It was awkward. Neither of us knew quite what to say.  
  
"How are Maggie and Eric?" I asked.  
  
She shrugged. "Not bad, I guess. They're both still on their meds and that's good. But no one will hire Eric as a pilot or even an air- traffic controller and, honestly, I don't really blame them. I wouldn't want to be on a plane with a bipolar pilot who suddenly decides he wants to die and takes the entire plane load of people with him." Abby smiled, slightly.  
  
I smiled back. "So he's not working at all?"  
  
"He's going to a community college in Minnesota. He says he wants to be a teacher." Abby shrugged. "We'll just have to wait to see what's gonna happen there."  
  
We both went back to pretending to read our menus. When the waiter came to take our orders I had to quickly scan the menu. I ordered a sirloin stake and Abby ordered a pasta dish.  
  
"I meant to ask you," she said, smiling. "Are you paying for this?"  
  
I laughed. "Of course."  
  
She grinned. "I shoulda got the lobster then." Suddenly it felt like nothing had ever changed. We talked easily and hardly noticed when our food came. We fell silent again in the cab on the way to the theater.  
  
"I can't believe we're actually gonna see him," she said, breaking the silence.  
  
I smiled. "It's pretty exciting, huh?"  
  
She looked at me. "I really want to thank you, John. This is so incredible. No one has ever done anything like this for me."  
  
I smiled again. It suddenly occurred to me that I had smiled more that evening then I had in the past nine months.  
  
The cab dropped us off in front of the theatre where the words, "ROBIN WILLIAMS LIVE" were written in lights. Abby reached out and squeezed my hand.  
  
"Oh my God!" Abby standing in front of our seats. "We're like, one, two, three, four, five, six rows from the front," she said, counting.  
  
I nodded. "Yeah. Why the hell do you think the tickets cost so much?"  
  
She settled into her chair. "I dunno. I guess it just didn't occur to me."  
  
I sat down next to her. One of the things I loved about her was how she just didn't care about money. She slipped her arm through the crook of my elbow as the lights went down. She leaned over so her lips were right next to my ear and I could feel her warm breath as she whispered, "this is gonna be one hell of a show." A shiver ran down my spine and I was unable to hear or see anything for the next five minutes. 


	3. Fortunate Freudian Slips

ABBY'S POV  
  
The show had been incredible. I don't think either of us had ever laughed so hard in our lives. We were in such good moods by the time the show ended that we decided to walk home. It was freezing but I didn't mind.  
  
"I never realized he was so liberal," Carter said.  
  
"Are you kidding?" I asked him. "Of course he is."  
  
"Well, I get that now." I shook my head and laughed at Carter's complete unawareness of the things around him. He shoved me playfully with his shoulder. "Don't laugh at me," he said and stuck his bottom lip out in a fake pout. I just laughed again.  
  
"I can't help it, Carter. You're funny." This remark seemed to make him happy. I could see him trying not to smile.  
  
I decided to try an old trick I knew. I rubbed my hands together and blew on them. He took the bait. "You're hands cold?" he asked, taking one of mine in one his.  
  
"They're not too bad," I said. I was rather proud of myself. I learned that trick in 7th grade and it hadn't failed yet.  
  
My heart fell as my building came into sight. I didn't want the evening to be over. But there was no way I could invite him in without him sensing any sexual undertones. I sighed.  
  
"What's up?" he asked me.  
  
"Nothing, I just. . .I just remembered that I'm not working tomorrow."  
  
"And this makes you sigh?" he teased.  
  
"I wanted to tell Susan about the show," I lied. He bought it.  
  
"Yeah, she would loved it," he said. We were standing outside my apartment door. I didn't let go of his hand.  
  
"Well, once again, thank you so much for tonight."  
  
"You're welcome," he said, making no attempt to take his hand away from me. There was a pause. Then he said, "I miss you, Abby,"  
  
*************************** CARTER'S POV  
  
Once again I had done it. I had opened my mouth to say one thing and something entirely different came out. I meant to say, "I'll see you later," or "good-night."  
  
I forced myself to meet Abby's eyes. I couldn't read her expression. And I didn't know what I expected from her. But whatever it was, I wasn't expecting what happened.  
  
Without a word, Abby kissed me. Just leaned forward and kissed me. After recovering from the initial shock I kissed her back.  
  
When we pulled apart Abby was unlocking the door and leading me through her apartment. The next thing I knew we were in her bedroom, on her bed, and clothes were being tossed to the floor.  
  
Somehow, my brain managed to gain control and I stopped her. "Abby, wait," I said. She looked disappointed. "We just have to. . ." I said, trying to catch my breath. "We just have to think about this."  
  
I sat up. "I don't want to do this if it's just meaningless sex. I know that I'm the one who ended things between us but I still really love you and being with you one more time would just make things worse."  
  
I looked at her, waiting for her response. She put her hand on the back of my neck and pulled my lips to hers. "This is anything but meaningless," she whispered, our faces only centimeters apart.  
  
She lay down on the bed and smiled up at me. My heart started to speed up as I leaned over her and our lips met again. 


	4. Leaving

I opened my eyes. God, what a night. I rolled over and looked at the man sleeping next to me. I was happy. For the first time in a long time I was actually happy. But things were far from settled. We needed to talk.  
  
He opened his eyes. "Hi," I said.  
  
"Hi." He kissed me softly. "I love waking up next to you," he said and kissed me again.  
  
I hated to ruin the moment but I couldn't stand another second with all this baggage between us. "Why did you leave me?" I asked.  
  
He seemed startled. "What?"  
  
"Why did you leave me?" I asked again. "You went to Africa. You just left."  
  
He sighed. "I told you, Abby. I just needed time away. Time to think. Now I've realized that I just want to be with you. No matter what."  
  
I shook my head. "That's not good enough, John." I said. "You hurt me."  
  
"You hurt me," he countered. "Every time you've ever needed anything I've been there, no questions asked. I flew to Nebraska to be with you at Eric's court marshal. I came back from Belize when he was missing. And the one time, the one time, I needed you, Abby, you weren't there."  
  
I stared at him in disbelief. "Eric needed me," I said. "I couldn't just leave him."  
  
"But you could leave me?"  
  
"So you were what? Punishing me?" I had climbed out of the bed and started getting dressed. Carter was sitting up.  
  
"It's not just about you, Abby. My grandmother had just died. The only person in the world who ever loved me was dead. And you still think it's all about you."  
  
"She's not the only person who loved you. I loved you." I was furious.  
  
Carter kicked off the covers and pulled on his pants. "Well, you had a strange way of showing it," he said.  
  
"And you're so much better at it then I am?" I asked.  
  
"Yes, actually, I am. I was there for you, Abby. I didn't have to be. But I was because I loved you. Not because I felt any sort of obligation to you."  
  
He was fully dressed and heading towards the door. I followed him. "But you left twice," I said.  
  
"You asked for your goddamn key back," he screamed. "You ripped my heart out and then pitched a fit when I wanted to leave."  
  
"I was angry and hurt. I wanted you to stay with me." I was on the verge of tears. "And you just wanted to get as far away from me as possible."  
  
"I went to Africa to help people, Abby. People there need me."  
  
"But I need you. I don't care about them!" Tears had started pouring from my eyes.  
  
"Of course not," he said, his voice suddenly soft. "You only care about yourself." He opened the door. "I can't keep doing this, Abby," he said and walked out into the hallway.  
  
I stood in the doorway. "You're getting good at running away," I shouted after him.  
  
"Yeah," he said, turning around. "Almost as good as you." And then he was gone.  
  
I know it's short but it's 10:30 at night and I wanna go to bed. REVIEW PLEASE! Yay! 


	5. Adjustments

I walked into Fulton County Hospital. I had moved to Atlanta. It took me about a month but I was finally settled with an apartment and a new job. I headed over to the admin desk.  
  
"Hi," I said to the girl at the desk. "I'm John Carter, I'm supposed to start work here today."  
  
She looked up briefly. "Yeah. Um, I'll get someone to show you around."  
  
She disappeared for a minute and returned with a one of the most beautiful women I had ever seen. She had long hair the color of . . .autumn. That was the first word that came into my mind. It was the redish, orangey, golden color that leaves turn in the fall. Her skin was like ivory and he eyes were deep brown. She smiled at me.  
  
"Hi, I'm Rosie Harris. I'm an attending." She offered me her hand.  
  
I took it. "John Carter," I said. "Pleased to meet you." She took me around the ER, point out various things but I hardly heard a word she said.  
  
Somehow I managed to get through an entire shift without accidentally killing anyone. I ran into Rosie on my way out.  
  
"How was your first day?" She asked.  
  
I shrugged. "Not too bad. I think I'll be alright here."  
  
"That's good to know," she said and smiled at me. "You moved here from Chicago, right?"  
  
I nodded. "Yeah, I was just looking for a change of scene really. I lived in Chicago for practically my whole life."  
  
"Well, Atlanta's not a bad place to be," Rosie said. "It gets kinda hot in the summer but other than that it's a great city."  
  
"Yeah, I spent three months here when I was. . ." I paused. I didn't really want to tell someone I hardly knew about my time in rehab. "When I was visiting my sick aunt," I lied.  
  
"Oh, so you probably know your way around already," she said. She seemed slightly disappointed.  
  
"No. I didn't go out much when I was here. I had to stay with my aunt."  
  
Rosie grinned. "So, you need someone to show you all the good restaurants?"  
  
****************************************  
  
"Is Carter on today?" I asked Susan. We were standing at our lockers. Susan looked at my strangely.  
  
"Um, no. He doesn't work here anymore . . .remember?"  
  
I stared at Susan. Was she kidding? I hadn't seen him in a month but I assumed he was just planning his shifts around mine so we wouldn't run into each other. "What are you talking about?" I asked her.  
  
"Oh my God," Susan touched my arm. "Do you not know?"  
  
I shook my head. "I guess not."  
  
"Carter moved to Atlanta, Abby," she said. "He sold the mansion and just left." All of a sudden the room started to spin. I grabbed onto the back of the couch to steady myself. How could he? How could he just leave?  
  
I walked around to the front of the couch and sat down. Susan sat next to me. "He sold the mansion?" I asked. Susan nodded. That meant he was seriously gone. If there were ever any chance of him coming back then he wouldn't have sold his grandmother's house.  
  
I looked up at Susan. "I needed to tell him. . .I needed to talk to him about something." I stood up and, without another word, walked out of the lounge. Susan followed me.  
  
***************************  
  
I lay the three sticks side by side so I could see them all at once. They all said the same thing. Well, that's not totally true. One had two blue lines, one had a single pink line, and the other had a little red plus sign. But they all meant the same thing.  
  
I was pregnant. I lay down on my bed and stared at the ceiling. Susan stroked my hair. "Are you gonna try and call him?" she asked.  
  
I laughed. "No. It's his own damn fault for leaving."  
  
"But he probably wouldn't have left if he'd known about the baby."  
  
"I only just found out for sure two minutes ago," I said raising my voice. I didn't want to fight with Susan but I was mad at Carter and since he wasn't around I was going to take it out on the nearest human being.  
  
"I know," she said, clearly not wanting to fight either.  
I rolled over onto my stomach and propped my head up on my hands. "I think I'm going to keep it."  
  
"The baby?" Susan asked.  
  
"No, the new shirt I bought at The Gap yesterday," I said sarcastically. "Yes, the baby! What else?"  
  
Susan shook her head. "I don't know. I guess I didn't think that not keeping the baby was an option you were considering."  
  
I looked at her and briefly considered telling her about my abortion but decided not to. Instead, I ignored her comment completely. "It'll be hard but I think I can manage. I'll have to make some adjustments but. . ."  
  
Susan smiled. "If anyone can do, Abby, it's you."  
  
This is the longest chapter yet! Yay for me! OK, anyway, review please. Thanks! 


	6. Arrival

CATER'S POV  
  
I walked into my apartment and noticed that the light on my answering machine was flashing. I pressed the button and went into the kitchen.  
  
Susan's voice came floating in from my living room. "Hey Carter, it's Susan. I, um. . .well, there's just something I think you should know about. It's about Abby. She doesn't know that I'm calling you. . .she'd kill me if she did. I shouldn't be the one to tell you this. Just. . .can you call Abby. Or come back to Chicago. That would probably be best. Come back to Chicago. OK, well, sorry I missed you. Hope you're OK. Bye."  
  
I took a frozen dinner out of the freezer, unwrapped it, and tossed it in the microwave. Whatever it was that Susan had been talking about, I didn't care. Whatever was going on with Abby was none of my business. Not anymore.  
  
I had already moved on and if she couldn't then that was her problem. Rosie and I had been on two dates already and had planned a third. Thing I liked most about Rosie was her confidence. Something Abby seemed to have lost at some point.  
  
I turned on the TV and started flipping through the channels. Abby always hated when I did that.  
  
I wondered what it was the Susan wanted to tell me. Maybe Abby had been hurt or was really sick or something. Maybe I should call. Just in case. I picked up the phone and dialled three numbers and hung it up again. I wouldn't be able to move on if I kept going back.  
  
The phone rang. I hesitated before picking it up. It could be Susan again.  
  
"Hello?" I said nervously.  
  
"Hey!"  
  
I sighed with relief. "Hey Rosie," I said, relaxing in my chair.  
  
*********************************  
8 MONTHS LATER . . . ABBY'S POV  
  
"No, Mom," I said into the phone. "The baby isn't here yet. I promise I'll call you when it is."  
  
Maggie had been calling for about a week. She was paranoid I wouldn't tell her when the baby was born. She had nothing to worry about. When this baby finally got out of my I was gonna shout it loudly from the roof tops. But not too loudly. I didn't want Carter to hear me.  
  
I looked at the calendar hanging on my kitchen wall. On the block for September 18th, DUE DATE was written in big red letters. It was already the 23rd and still, no baby.  
  
I walked slowly into the room that Susan and I had turned into a nursery. The walls were a pale yellow and the furniture was all painted white with little green and yellow flowers on it. There was a wallpaper border on top of the walls that also had flowers. I wasn't exactly planning for this baby to be a boy. God help the poor kid if it was a boy.  
  
Without warning, I felt something erupt inside me. I looked down. My water had broken. I reached for the phone. Who did I call first? Susan or a cab?  
  
I decided on the cab. Then I called Susan. "Hello?"  
  
"Susan?" I was breathing heavily.  
  
"Oh my God. Is it time?" she asked.  
  
"Uh huh," I said. "It's time."  
  
"I'm at work right now but I'll try to get upstairs to see you," she promised. "And I'll call and let them know you're on your way."  
  
********************************  
  
As I got out of the cab, an OB nurse helped me into a wheelchair. "Have you already called the father?" she asked. "Or would you like us to?"  
  
Great. She had brought up the last thing I wanted to think about. "There is no father," I said through clenched teeth.  
  
"OK then, we'll just get you comfortable." She helped me onto the gurney.  
  
I started to scream. The contractions were coming fast. I started to cry. The doctor came into the room. "Ms. Abby Lockhart?" he asked brightly. "How are you doing?"  
  
"How . . . the hell . . . does it seem like I'm doing?" I snarled.  
  
He ignored me. "OK, well, if we can just get you into a gown. . ." he and two nurses began undressing me. I was thirsty. I wanted water. I wanted this goddamn baby outta me. I wanted Carter.  
  
Once they had me in the gown, the doctor put on gloves and sat on his little stool. The nurses put my feet into the stirrups. "You're lucky," one of them said. "Looks like this is gonna be pretty quick. I wanted to smack her.  
  
"OK, Abby. I need you to push," the doctor said.  
  
I shook my head. "Hurts," I moaned.  
  
"The only way to make it stop is to push. OK, with the next contraction . . . PUSH!"  
  
I strained as hard as I could. I thought maybe I could get the baby out in one push.  
  
I was wrong. "OK, it's crowning," the doctor said. "Keep going, Abby, you're doing great."  
  
I pushed again. "Is it over?" I sobbed.  
  
"Not yet, Abby. But the head's out now. The hard part is over. Just two more good pushes and you're done."  
  
I could smell blood and sweat all around me. I turned my head to the side and threw up. I grabbed onto both sides of the gurney and pushed again. When I relaxed, I could hear a baby crying. "Congratulations," the doctor said. "You have a beautiful baby. . ."  
  
But I didn't hear if it was a boy or a girl. I had already fallen asleep. 


	7. Names

When I opened my eyes, Susan was the first thing I saw. She was smiling at me. "Tired?" she asked. I nodded. "I don't blame you." She handed me a cup of water.  
  
"Thanks," I managed to say.  
  
"So what is it?" she asked. "Is it John Truman Carter IV or Macy Joan Carter?"  
  
"I don't know," I said. "I was just about to ask you the same thing."  
  
Susan's mouth fell open. "You don't know?!?"  
  
"I fell asleep before they could tell me," I giggled.  
  
She shook her head and laughed. "I'll go find out," she said.  
  
As she stood up, a nurse walked into the room with something cradled in her arms. "I heard you talking so I thought you might like to meet your daughter," she said, placing a pink bundle in my arms.  
  
"Hello little one," I cooed. "I'm you're mommy," I said. The baby blinked at me.  
  
"And I'm your Auntie Susan," Susan said, leaning over us.  
  
"Did you say Macy Joan?" I asked her.  
  
She laughed. "Yeah. I came up with that this morning. What do you think?"  
  
I made a face. "Not good." I looked back at my new baby. Her skin was pink but I could tell she was going have my coloring. "Bryanne," I said firmly.  
  
"Bryan?"  
  
"Bry - Anne," I corrected, drawing the name out. "Bryan is a boy's name, Bryanne is a girls name."  
  
"It means 'strong one,'" I said. "It's a good name for her. Bryanne Kayla Lockhart."  
  
"You're giving her Richard's last name?" Susan asked.  
  
"It's my last name too," I told her. "Besides, it sounds better than Bryanne Kayla Carter."  
  
"Change the middle name, then. That's what makes it sound funny." Susan thought for a moment. "What about Marie? Bryanne Marie Carter?"  
  
I considered this. "Not bad," I said smiling. "Not bad at all."  
  
I know this is a really, really, really short update but I think since I've already updated today, it's OK that it's so short. Don't forget to review. And tell me what you think of the baby's name. I know it's kinda weird but I'm kinda weird too! Woohoo! 


	8. Return

4 YEARS LATER. . .  
  
I opened my eyes. I had just had the strangest dream about. . .I couldn't remember what it was about. I rolled onto my side and looked at Rosie. She was fast asleep with her arm curled under her head.  
  
I sighed. We had been together for almost five years and I still wasn't feeling serious about her. She was serious about me. She kept dropping hints about marriage and stuff. But that just wasn't going to happen.  
  
I touched her shoulder gently. "Rosie," I whispered. "Rosie, I need to talk to you."  
  
"It's 3:30 in the goddamn morning, John. Go back to sleep." She buried her face in her pillow.  
  
I got up and started getting dressed. She lifted her head. "Where are you going?" she asked.  
  
"Chicago."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"I don't know." I laughed. "Just want to go home." I finished buttoning my shirt while Rosie just watched. "Sorry," I said as I headed out of the bedroom.  
  
"When are you coming back?" she called after me.  
  
I stuck my head back in the room and grinned at her. "I'm not."  
  
************************************  
  
Remarkably little had changed about County. I had gone quickly from the ambulance bay to the lounge. I wasn't ready to see anyone yet. I had spoken to Weaver about a job but I doubt she'd told anyone I was back.  
  
I stood just inside the doorway of the lounge, letting memories come flooding back to me. It took me a minute to realize that there was a small child sitting at the table and staring at me.  
  
She had been drawing. There was a piece of paper in front of her and she was holding a pen. "Hello," she said brightly. She had a beautiful smile and her brown eyes looked very familiar. When she moved, her redish- brown curls bounced gently up and down.  
  
"Hello," I said, sitting down across from her. "What are you doing here?" I thought that maybe she was a patient who had somehow found her way into the lounge without being noticed.  
  
"I'm waiting for my mommy," she said. She hadn't taken her eyes from my face. "She works here. She said we're leaving in five minutes."  
  
I looked at her picture. "I like your drawing," I said.  
  
She grinned. "That's me," she said pointing at a sort of stick figure. "And that's mommy." She indicated a slightly taller stick figure.  
  
"Who's that in the corner?" I asked.  
  
"Oh. That's my daddy."  
  
"Why is he all the way over there?"  
  
"Because he doesn't live with us. Mommy doesn't know where he is." The little girl paused. She seemed to be deciding whether or not to tell me the whole story. "Well," she started. "Mommy says my daddy is a very handsome man who she loves very very much. But Mommy and Daddy got in a fight and Daddy left. Mommy says that if Daddy knew about me that he would love me and cuddle me and buy me a pony."  
  
I laughed. "I'm sure he would," I said. "What's your name?"  
  
"Bryanne. What's yours?"  
  
"John."  
  
Her face lit up. "That's my daddy's name!"  
  
"A lot of people are called John," I told her.  
  
She nodded solemnly. "That's what Mommy said. If I had been a boy she would have named me John."  
  
I smiled. "It's a pretty good name," I said.  
  
"Yeah. But I'm glad I'm a girl."  
  
I stared at this child in amazement. She was hilarious. Not intentionally, of course but she seemed very bright.  
  
"You know, Bryanne," I said. "I'm gonna be working in this hospital now so I may see you a lot if your mommy works here."  
"Mommy works in the ER. Is that where you work?" I nodded. I watched Bryanne slowly write her first name on the bottom of her drawing. "B-R-Y-A-N-N-E," she spelled out loud. She left a space and then wrote a 'C.' She frowned and looked up at me. "How do you spell 'Carter?'" she asked.  
  
"What?" I wasn't sure I'd heard her correctly.  
  
"That's my last name. Carter. I can't spell it yet, though." As I stared at her in disbelief her eyes lifted and she smiled sheepishly. "Hi, Mommy," she said. 


	9. Last Chance

My eyes practically fell out of my head. Bryanne and her father were sitting at the table in the lounge talking. I froze. It wasn't until Bryanne spoke that I was able to move. I tried to convince myself that Carter hadn't figured out he was Bry's father. But he wasn't stupid.  
  
"Come on, Bry, let's go home." I walked around Carter, ignoring him completely, and scooped Bryanne into my arms.  
  
"But Mommy," she said, wrapping her arms around my neck. "I was making a friend."  
  
"Well you can make friends later," I said, more harshly than I had intended. Without even looking at Carter, I left the lounge.  
  
We were in the ambulance bay before I heard him calling after me. I turned around. "What do you want?" I asked him.  
  
"I need to talk to you," he said.  
  
"There's nothing to say."  
  
"Oh, you're wrong about that, Abby," he said with a wry smile on his face.  
  
I just looked at him; I didn't know what to say. I had deprived him of the first four years of his daughter's life and he had every right to be furious. But I was scared of what effects that fury would have on me.  
  
"Do you know my mommy?" Bry asked, climbing down from my arms.  
  
Carter stared at her for moment. "We used to be friends," he said. "A long time ago. Before you were born."  
  
Bry processed this. "Did you know my daddy?" she asked hopefully.  
  
I grabbed her arm. "Come ON, Bryanne."  
  
"Ow! Mommy you're hurting me," she said, jerking her arm away. There were tears in her eyes. So did mine. I hadn't meant to hurt her.  
  
Carter was shaking his head. "You're not fit to have a child," he hissed. He squatted down so his face was level with Bryanne's. "Bryanne, my name is John. John Carter."  
  
Bryanne gasped. "That's my daddy's name," she breathed. She looked up at me. I bit my lip to stop from crying. "Is John my daddy?" she asked me. All I could do was nod.  
I watched as Carter held out his arms and Bry walked straight into them. She wrapped her arms around him and buried her face in his neck. He stood up and just stared at me.  
  
I looked at the ground. When I looked back up Bry was looking at me. "Why were trying to take me away from Daddy?" she asked.  
  
"Bry. . ."  
  
"You said that if he ever came back I could see him. You said that."  
  
She was right. I had. But I hadn't really believed he'd come back. "I was just a little surprised to see you talking to him, sweetie. I just need a little time to. . .figure this all out."  
  
Carter put Bry on the ground but held onto her hand. "There's nothing for you to figure, Abby. I'm gonna make it easy for you. With your history and my lawyer, getting full custody of Bryanne should be no problem." He bent down and kissed her forehead. "I'll see you later, sweet pea."  
  
Bry shook her head. "No, I wanna stay with you," she whined. I couldn't stop the tears from coming. I hated myself. I was crying in front of the two people who were not supposed to ever see me cry. And my four-year-old daughter hated me.  
  
"I know, honey," Carter was saying. "But I'll come see you again. I promise. And, you know what? I can take you anywhere you wanna go."  
  
"Disneyworld?!?" Bry said, excited. See had wanted to go since she saw a commercial on TV but I'd told her we couldn't afford it. . .which was true.  
  
Carter nodded. "If you want. But you have go with your mother now, OK?"  
  
Bry nodded and hugged Carter one last time. "Bye, Daddy."  
  
I took her hand and lead her away.  
  
************************************************  
  
I sat at the kitchen table staring at a cup of coffee. He was going to take my daughter. I knew he'd be able to do it. But he had said I wasn't fit to be a mother. Maybe he was right. Maybe I wasn't. Maybe she'd be better off with Carter.  
  
I heard a noise behind me. "What are doing up, baby?"  
  
Bry shrugged. "Can you read me another story?" she asked me.  
  
Normally I would have said no. It was almost midnight. But it occurred to me that this might be the last opportunity I had to read my baby girl and bedtime story.  
  
"Sure, honey," I said, smiling. She reached up and I lifted her into my arms. I took her into her room and lay her on the bed. "Which story do you want?"  
  
"Cinderella!" I picked up the book and started to read. "Once upon a time there was a little girl who had everything she could ever want. . .except a mother. . ."  
  
Will Carter take Bryanne away from Abby? Will he realize that he loves her? Will everything just fall apart? Review and then I'll tell ya! 


	10. Reconciliation

I knocked lightly on the door and it sung open. Great. Abby's too stupid to even lock the door. I sighed and stepped into the apartment. There were a couple of toys on the living room floor but other than that, the apartment was surprisingly clean.  
  
I had talked to my lawyer and set a court date. Now I just had to Abby. I was not looking forward to that. As I walked through the apartment I noticed the clock on the wall.  
  
Was it really 12:15? I hadn't realized it was so late. But I could hear Abby's voice coming from what used to be a spare bedroom so I assumed she was awake.  
  
I stood outside the door. "As the prince slid the glass slipper onto Cinderella's foot, her rags melted away and were replaced by a beautiful ball gown. 'It's you,' the prince said as he took Cinderella in his arms. They climbed into the prince's carriage and rode off towards the palace where they lived happily ever after."  
  
I smiled. Abby was reading Bryanne a bedtime story. "There is not such thing as happily ever after," I heard her say. My smiled turned into a frown. She shouldn't say that. Bry was only four. She could fine out later that life sucked.  
  
"I've known that my whole life," Abby continued. I peered through the small opening and could see that Bry was fast asleep. "My father proved it, my mother proved it, Richard proved it, and Carter proved it," she said.  
  
"I thought he was different," she said. "I thought he really loved me. And maybe he did for awhile. But I drove him away. I drove him away because I was scared. I was scared that he would hurt me. And he did. But maybe he wouldn't have if I hadn't been so. . .so. . .stupid."  
  
I rolled my eyes. "Bit late now," I muttered under my breath.  
  
"It's funny," she said. "For about six months I really believed that I could have 'happily ever after.' I thought that Carter I would get married, have a few kids, and grow old together. Which is probably why it hurt so much when he left. Despite my best efforts to protect myself, I fell in love with him." She laughed slightly. "And you know the worst part? I'm still in love with him."  
  
"And then there was you. Despite seeing it thousands of times, I still couldn't believe that we had created something out of nothing. And you're so beautiful."  
  
I could hear tears in Abby's voice. "And I love you so much. And he's gonna take you away from me. I don't know what I'll do. You're my heart, baby girl. And I can't live without my heart."  
  
I leaned up against the wall. I felt suddenly guilty. I wasn't supposed to be hearing this. Lost in my own thoughts, I didn't hear Abby walking towards me. It wasn't until she let out a small scream that I noticed she had moved.  
  
"What the hell are you doing here?" she hissed after closing Bry's door.  
  
"I. . .I came to tell you that I set a court date," I said, sitting down on the couch.  
  
"Sure, have a seat Carter," Abby said, sarcastically. "Make yourself at home." She sat down on the couch but as far from me as possible. "Did you really feel it was necessary to come here in the middle of the night to tell me that you've arranged the exact time and date that you're taking my child away from me?"  
  
"She's my child too, Abby," I said quietly. "And I'm not going to take her away from you."  
  
"You're not?" She looked surprised.  
  
I shook my head. "No. I was going to. But then. . .I heard you reading to her and talking to her. . ."  
  
"You heard that?" She was horrified.  
  
"Yeah. I decided that maybe. . .taking her away wouldn't. . ."  
  
Abby cut me off. "You had no right to come in here and eves drop," she said, standing up. "I can't believe you'd stoop that low, John."  
  
I stood up too. "I didn't mean to eves drop. The door was open so I just came in and I started listening because I thought it was sweet. And if you're embarrassed because you said you're still in love with me. . ."  
  
"Embarrassed? Not embarrassed, John. Heart-broken. Do you know what it's like to love someone who doesn't love you?"  
  
"Yes, as a matter a fact, I was in love with you for two years before you even took any notice of me."  
  
"OK, so then you DO understand. You understand how awful it is. You understand that seeing you just makes things. . ."  
  
I pulled her into my arms and kissed her roughly on the lips.  
  
". . .worse," she finished, breathlessly.  
  
I laughed. "How is that we always end up in the same place over and over again?" I asked her.  
  
She shook her head and then rested on my chest. "I don't know," she said. "But maybe we should try standing still for awhile. Stop chasing after each other and just let things. . ."  
  
"Fall into place?"  
  
She smiled. "Exactly." 


	11. Talking it Through

"Baby turn out the light. I wanna see your face. I don't trust you outta sight. Afraid that you might fall from grace. So where does that leave me? You're broken halo's on the ground. Maybe the question here should be - What goes on when the lights go out?"  
  
- John Randall  
  
Kissing him felt so good. I hadn't been kissed in five years. But I knew it had to stop so I pulled myself away from him. "We can't do this," I said.  
  
His face fell. "Why not?"  
  
"Because if we continue kissing we'll end up losing control and then Bryanne will wake tomorrow morning and you'll be sleeping in my bed. . .I just don't want her to get the wrong idea."  
  
"What idea would that be?" he asked.  
  
I sat down on the couch and Carter sat down next to me. "That you're here to stay," I said, sadly. I avoided his eyes.  
  
"What if I am?"  
  
"You and I both know what's gonna happen, Carter. Things will be great for a few short seconds. And then. . .everything will just fall to pieces. I don't want Bry to have to see us like that."  
  
Carter didn't say anything for a moment. He seemed to be processing what I said. "But what if this time is different? I'm tired of running away from you and thinking that I can get over you. I can't. I love you."  
  
My eyes filled with tears. I wanted to believe him. I shook my head. "I can't stand to have my heart broken again."  
  
He scooted towards me and took my face in his hands. "I never meant to hurt you. And now I have two reasons to stay." He kissed me lightly. "I never thought you could love someone so much just because they existed but I've hardly spent five minutes with Bry and I adore her."  
  
"Me too," I said.  
  
He kissed me again. "We can take it as slowly as you want," he said.  
  
I nodded. "OK." I kissed him this time, which made him smile. We heard a small coo come from behind the couch and we both jumped apart.  
  
"Daddy?" Bry asked. He held his arms out to her and lifted her over the back of the couch and into his lap. "What are you doing here?" She rested her sleepy head against his chest.  
  
"I was just talking to Mommy," he said.  
  
"Yelling?" asked Bry.  
  
Carter laughed. "No, not yelling this time."  
  
Bry looked up at me with her father's eyes. "Is Daddy gonna stay here with us?"  
  
I bit my lip. "I don't think so, honey. But I promise that you can see him as often as possible, OK?"  
  
"Can we still go to Disneyworld?"  
  
I smiled at her. "If your daddy says he's gonna take you then I'm sure you can."  
  
Carter stood up and placed Bry on the couch. "I have to go now," he told her. "And I do believe you should be in bed, young lady," he said in mock disapproval. Bry giggled.  
  
I stood up and walked Carter to the door. I wanted to kiss him good- bye but I wasn't about let my daughter see that. "I take it you're working at County again."  
  
"Yeah. I'm on tomorrow morning at 7." He rolled his eyes.  
  
I grinned. "Me too," I said.  
  
"Well, I'll see you then." He leaned forward as if he were going to kiss me but thought better of it so he just gave me a hug.  
  
When he was gone I turned to Bryanne. "You little imp," I laughed. "Get back in bed."  
  
She smiled and then shrieked with laughter as I chased her into her bedroom. 


	12. Almost Alone

I was just finished setting the table when someone knocked on the door. Abby had gotten Susan to watch Bry and she was coming over for dinner.  
  
I had made my specialty . . .pasta. I glanced in the mirror one last time before opening the door.  
  
"Hi!" she said.  
  
I blinked. "Rosie! W-w-hat are you doing here?" I stammered.  
  
"I'm here to see you, you jerk," she said, pushing her way past me into my apartment.  
  
"Oh John!" she gasped as she saw the candle lit dinner. "Did someone at the hospital tell you I was coming over? I went there to get your address and this large man at the admin desk said. . ."  
  
"You have to leave," I interrupted.  
  
"I just got here," she said, tossing her coat on the couch. "I've missed you. And if living in Chicago is what it takes to be with you then I'll do it."  
  
"Rosie, we broke up," I said. I looked at my watch. Abby was going to arrive any minute. I had to get Rosie out of there.  
  
"No we didn't," she said. "You said you were going back to Chicago. You never said anything about breaking up."  
  
I rolled my eyes. "I thought it was implied."  
  
"Besides, why would you break up with me?" she asked. She walked towards me and wrapped her arms around me. "We get along so well." She went to kiss me but I broke away.  
  
"Rosie, I have a date tonight."  
  
"A date?" Her eyes widened. "You're cheating on me?"  
  
"We're not together anymore, Rosie, so I can't cheat on you." I was getting frustrated.  
  
"This just doesn't make any sense." She sat dejectedly on the couch.  
  
"I'm sorry. But can we please talk about this later? She's gonna be here any minute."  
  
Rosie's expression suddenly turned angry. Then she smiled. "You know, I think I'll stay here," she said. "I'd like to size up the competition."  
  
"There's no competition," I told her. "Between you and Abby. . .Abby wins, hands down."  
  
Rosie scowled at me. Abby knocked on the door. I opened it and stepped out into the hall. "Hi," I said, kissing her.  
  
She smiled at me. "Hi."  
  
"We have a bit of a problem," I said. "My ex-girlfriend from Atlanta decided to show up today. She said she got my address from the hospital. And I can't seem to make her leave."  
  
Abby frowned. "I'll make her leave," she said.  
  
I opened the door for Abby and silently prayed that Rosie would not pitch too much of a fit. "You must be Abby," Rosie said, extending her hand.  
  
Abby just looked at it without much interest. "Yes," she said. "And, who are you?"  
  
Rosie's eyes flashed. "Rosie Harris," she said. "John's girlfriend," she added with a smirk.  
  
Abby nodded. "Really? Well that's good." She walked into the kitchen. "So I suppose this lovely table has been set this way for you?"  
  
Rosie's nostrils flared. "Actually, my boyfriend says it's for you. But what I want to know is why my boyfriend is having an intimate, candle lit dinner with another woman." She crossed her arms in front of her chest.  
  
Abby smiled. "Oh, no, sweetie, you have nothing to worry about." Abby smiled at me. "I'm not dating him or sleeping with him or anything like that."  
  
"You're not?" Rosie asked, not quite believing Abby.  
  
"No, of course not. It's just that, I'm the mother of his child and we were going to discuss custody."  
  
Rosie turned to face me. "You have a child?" she snarled.  
  
"Yeah," I said. Rosie just stared at me so I continued. "Her name is Bryanne and she's four-yea. . ."  
  
Rosie slapped me across the face. "You son-of-a-bitch," she said. "I can't believe you never told me you had a child."  
  
I briefly considered telling her that I had only just found out about Bryanne but decided not too. "Well, I thought it would upset you," I said.  
  
"Damn straight," she said. She marched out of the apartment and before she slammed the door she looked straight at Abby and said, "I hope your little girl grows up to be as much of a whore as you are."  
  
Abby and I just looked at each other for a moment before we burst out laughing. "What was that all about?" she asked me.  
  
I shrugged. "Dunno, really," I said. "She always seemed rather normal but tonight she's proved otherwise."  
  
Abby nodded and hugged me. "Well, I'm just glad she's gone," she murmured into my chest.  
  
"Me too, Abby. Me too."  
  
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't know what to do next! Hopefully I'll come up with some ideas soon but don't be afraid to make suggestions. Thanks! 


	13. Oh What a Night!

Despite her rocky mental state, Carter's ex had been strikingly beautiful. And now I was worried.  
  
Throughout dinner Carter seemed distant, distracted. "Are you OK?" I asked, taking his hand.  
  
He smiled weakly. "Yeah. I just. . .did you mean what you said to her? About us not dating? Because Abby, I wanna know where we stand."  
  
I laughed at rolled my eyes. "Stop being so damn melodramatic, John," I said. I looked at him and saw he was making his "puppy dog eyes" at me. I laughed again. "No, I didn't mean it," I told him. He looked relieved, which surprised me. I didn't think he'd actually been worried about it.  
  
I stood up, walked over to him, and wrapped my arms around him from behind. "Are you finished with dinner?" I asked, kissing his neck. "'Cause I'm just about ready for dessert," I whispered.  
  
He stood up and faced me. His face was solemn but his eyes were shining. "And what were you thinking of having for dessert?" he asked.  
  
I stood on my tip-toes and kissed him deeply. His hands ran up my back and through my hair. When we stopped kissing he smiled and scooped me into his arms.  
  
"What are you doing?" I laughed.  
  
"Being romantic," he said, matter-of-factly.  
  
I giggled as he carried me into his bedroom and placed me gently on the bed. "Good think I asked Susan if she could stay the night with Bry," I said.  
  
He kissed me as I started to undo his shirt. I kissed his chest. He pulled my sweater over my head ran his fingers lightly over my skin. I fumbled with the button of his pants until he laughed and undid them himself. I smiled up at him.  
  
Everything just felt so right. I didn't want him to ever stop touching me. But then I remembered the last time we had done this and what had happened the morning after. So I stopped him.  
  
He sat on his knees, wearing only his boxers. I was wearing my bra and pants. He looked at me intently. "What's up?" he asked.  
  
"I was just thinking about. . .about last time," I said. "And the fight we had." I didn't look at him.  
  
He nodded his head and handed me my shirt.  
  
I smiled at him. "I'm not necessarily gonna need that right away."  
  
He raised his eyebrows. "You're not?"  
  
"I just wanna talk about where we're gonna go from here." He waited so I continued. "I want this to work out, John. And for that to happen we're gonna have to deal with why it didn't work in the first place."  
  
He nodded again. "Without fighting," he added. I pulled my knees up to my chest.  
  
"Without fighting," I agreed. He arranged himself into a more comfortable position as I started to speak. "I know I didn't make things easy," I said. "And I'm sorry. I really am. I'd give anything to go back and be easier to live with."  
  
"You're right," Carter said. "You weren't easy to live with. But that's not really why I left."  
  
I looked up at him. "It's not?"  
  
"No, of course not. I would have left even if things between us had been great. I just had to get out of Chicago. I wanted to be somewhere where no body had any preconceived ideas about me, no one had any idea how much money I had. And I'm glad I went. It made me grow up. But. . ."  
  
"You were expecting a warmer welcome when you came home?" I asked.  
  
"Yeah. It think it's fair to say that we've both done our share of heart- breaking." He moved closer to me. "And think it's also safe to say that we've both gotten in out of our systems."  
  
"I certainly have," I told him. He kissed me softly. I laughed. "Come on, Carter. I know you've got more than that."  
  
He kissed me again, harder, longer, and I as I lay down, he followed. "So, all's forgiven?" he asked, hopefully.  
  
"Yeah. It is."  
  
***********************************  
  
There was a time when I thought I'd never wake up next to her again. And know that she was back in my arms I don't know how I ever lived with out her.  
  
I felt her stir and she opened her eyes. She smiled at me as though she had forgotten I was here. "What time is it?" she asked sleepily.  
  
"8:15," I said, kissing her forehead.  
  
"Oh my God," she said. "Susan's on at 9:00, I have to go." We both scurried around the apartment, getting dressed and brushing our teeth. Abby didn't have a tooth brush so I let her borrow mine.  
  
In the car on the way to her apartment, Abby was fidgeting nervously. "You alright?" I asked her.  
  
"Bry's never woken up without me in the house before," she said.  
  
I smiled. "She's a good kid. She'll be alright."  
  
"I know. I'm just. . .worried." I took her hand and kissed. Just then Abby's cell phone rang.  
  
"Hello?" She listened for a minute and then said, "What happened?" She listened again. "Where are you?" Then - "We'll be right there," and she hung up.  
  
"We have to go to the hospital," she said. The urgency in her voice scared me.  
  
"What's going on?" I asked.  
  
"That was Susan," she said. "There's been an accident."  
  
Review please! You guys have been slacking off on the reviews. : ( More later, I promise! 


	14. Don't Go Breakin' My Heart

I decided to set myself a goal. If I had a goal to concentrate on then I wouldn't have to concentrate on anything else. My goal was to not cry. I didn't think I'd achieve it.  
  
Abby and I rode in silence to the hospital. When we got there Susan was in tears. "I'm so sorry, Abby," she cried, throwing her arms around Abby. "I'm so sorry."  
  
Abby mechanically put her arms around Susan. "It's OK. It's not your fault." Abby's voice was flat, emotionless.  
  
"Where is she?" I asked.  
  
"ICU," Susan said, wiping tears from her face.  
  
"What happened?"  
  
"She was . . . waiting for Abby," Susan said, her voice shaky. "She was looking out the window. I turned around to put some dishes away and I heard glass shatter, and I turned around and she was gone." Susan swallowed. "She's in the ICU."  
  
Abby headed towards the elevator but I was rooted to the spot. Bry had fallen through a glass window, three stories, to the concrete below.  
  
Abby turned around. "Are you coming?" she asked impatiently. I nodded and followed her.  
  
When we opened the door to Bry's room I immediately lost all hope of achieving my goal; tears were streaming down my face. Bry's head was wrapped in gauze bandages, her right arm was in a cast, and her face was bloody and bruised.  
  
"What's wrong with you?" Abby asked, coldly.  
  
"Abby. . .our daughter. . ."  
  
"Our daughter?" she spat. "You've known her for like three days Carter. Get a grip."  
  
I stared at her as she marched out of the room. The room started to spin. I reached out for something to grab onto but there was nothing. Everything went black.  
  
**************************  
  
I sat by Bry's bed, just looking at her. She was so small and so pale. I couldn't believe I'd let this happen. I shouldn't have stayed the night at Carter's. I should have just gone home.  
  
The door opened and I stood up. Dr. Freedman smiled at me. "Her vital signs are good," she said. "And so are her brain waves."  
  
I nodded.  
  
"She should wake up within the next twenty-four hours," she said. "If you have any questions or you need anything, don't hesitate to come and find me."  
  
After she left I sat back down and kissed Bry very gently on the forehead. "You hear that?" I asked her. "You're gonna wake up."  
  
Suddenly I wanted Carter with me. I felt bad for being so mean to him and I couldn't really blame him for leaving. But he should have stayed for Bryanne's sake.  
  
I got up to go look out the window to see if maybe he was standing outside. That's when I noticed the blood on the floor.  
  
I rushed out of the room and grabbed the first person I saw. "Where's John Carter?" I asked.  
  
"Who?" the nurse asked me.  
  
"The guy I came her with," I said.  
  
"Oh," she said. "He fainted and hit his head," she said. "We took him down to the ER."  
  
****************************  
  
I looked through the window at Carter. He was sitting on a gurney and Susan was suturing his head. I sighed with relief.  
  
"Hi," I said, opening the door. Carter shot me a nasty look. "Bry's gonna be OK," I said, smiling.  
  
"Why are you telling me?" he asked, bitterly. "Why should I care? I only met her three days ago."  
  
I looked at Susan, expecting her to chide him but she just glared at me. I bit my lip. "I'm sorry," I whispered.  
  
Carter looked away. "All done," Susan said. She kissed Carter on the forehead and left without a word to me.  
  
I sat down next to Carter. "I'm sorry," I said again.  
  
He said nothing. I reached for his hand but he jerked it away. "Didn't we just decide last night that we were done hurting each other?" he asked.  
  
I didn't say anything. I didn't know what to say that would make it better.  
  
"All I ever wanted was for you to love me, Abby," he said. I could still hear anger in his voice. "But time after time you show me that I mean nothing to you."  
  
"That's not true," I interjected.  
  
"Then why do you insist on hurting me at every opportunity?" he asked, finally meeting my gaze.  
  
"Because that's what I do." It was my turn to look away. "That's how I react when bad things happen. It has nothing to do with you. I just lash out at whomever is closest to me. And that's usually you."  
  
"So I either have to learn to live with it or live without you?"  
  
"I can try. . ." I started to cry. "I can try not to . . I'm so sorry John."  
  
He put his arm around my shoulder. "The thing is," he said. "No matter how many times you hurt me, I'll always take you back."  
  
I smiled at him through my tears. "And I'll always come back," I said, kissing him.  
  
I was gonna end this sadly but then I decided I just couldn't bare anymore Carby sadness. I think that if every Carby lover in the world boycotts ER, then the writers will HAVE to make them get back together. Or maybe not. Anyway, review, as always! 


	15. Christmas Wishes

"Look, Mommy," Bry said, thrusting her cast in Abby's face. "Daddy signed my cast!"  
  
Abby smiled. "I see that," she said.  
  
"What does it say?" Bry asked.  
  
"It says, 'even angels fall, love Daddy.'" Abby looked up at me and gave me a quizzical smiled. We were in Abby's apartment, decorating our Christmas tree.  
  
"What are you gonna ask Santa for, Bry?" I asked.  
  
"A pony," she said.  
  
I laughed. "I don't think a pony would fit in the apartment, kiddo."  
  
"And I am NOT cleaning up pony poop," Abby said.  
  
Bry giggled. "I'm gonna ask Santa for the baby on TV that cries, and a Tigger doll, and Barbie's Beach House, and a little sister."  
  
This last request made Abby drop the ornament she was holding. "A little sister?" she asked.  
  
"Or brother," Bry said. "It doesn't really matter."  
  
I looked at Abby and raised my eyebrows. "You know, I don't think Santa can just hand out baby's," I said.  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Because babies are very special. And they are a lot of work. They cry a lot and they have to be fed all the time and they need their diapers changed," Abby said. "Santa can't just give people babies. People have to decide for themselves that they want one."  
  
Bry seemed to accept this. "I don't wear diapers," she said proudly. "I wear big girl underwear!" She grinned at me. I grinned back. "What are you gonna ask Santa for, Mommy?"  
  
Abby laughed. "Grown-ups don't usually ask Santa for anything," she said.  
  
"But if you ask him, he can get it for you," Bry said earnestly.  
  
"I know, baby, but I have everything I want . . . almost." Abby said this last word under her breath and I hadn't been meant to hear it. But I had.  
  
"What about you, Daddy? What are you gonna ask Santa for?"  
  
I smiled at my daughter. "I'm gonna ask Santa to bring my little girl everything she asks for. As long as she doesn't ask for anything that poops."  
  
********************************  
  
What did I want for Christmas? I wanted Carter to ask me to marry him. I hated not being able to spend the night with him. I refused to leave Bry for the whole night and I still wouldn't let him stay with us.  
  
I knew it bothered him but he was handling it rather well. I had been planning our wedding since the very first time he kissed me during the lockdown. And we'd gotten so damn close. I smiled as I remembered him shouting at me on the roof as the helicopters roared overhead.  
  
But I was pretty sure that marriage was the last thing on Carter's mind. Not that he didn't want to but, let's face it, he is, after all, a man. And it is a universal truth that guys are clueless about this kind of stuff.  
  
I rolled over in my bed and reached for my phone. I knew I'd be waking him up but I just needed to hear his voice. "Hello?" he asked, groggily.  
  
"John?"  
  
"Abby? Is everything OK?" He was suddenly alert.  
  
"Yeah, everything's fine. I just wanted to talk."  
  
He laughed in his throat. "It's 1:00am, Abby," he said.  
  
"I know. I just wish you were here," I said.  
  
"I wish I were there too," he said.  
  
"This is getting ridiculous."  
  
"What is?"  
  
"Us not sleeping together."  
  
He laughed again. "Well, Abby, that's all you. If it were up to me. . ."  
  
"I know, I know," I said. "I was just thinking. . .what if I got a baby-sitter on Saturday. We could spend the whole day just . . . doing whatever."  
  
"Sounds good to me," he said.  
  
"OK," I said, smiling. "I'll see you tomorrow."  
  
"Abby?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"I love you."  
  
I smiled again. "I love you too." 


	16. Lost

The phone rang twice before she answered. "Hello?"  
  
"I can't see you today," I said.  
  
"What? Why not?" She sounded annoyed.  
  
"I have to go to Boston to help my dad with some Foundation stuff," I told her, trying my best to convey my own annoyance.  
  
"John, it's almost Christmas," she protested.  
  
"I'll be home at noon on Christmas Eve," I reassured her. "I promise."  
  
She sighed. "When are you leaving?"  
  
"I'm on my way to the airport right now. I'll call you when I land."  
  
"OK," she said. "I love you."  
  
"Love you too. And Abby? Give Bry a kiss for me, OK?"  
  
***********************************  
  
"So when am I gonna get to meet this little girl of yours?" Dad asked.  
  
I grinned. We had just finished our last board meeting and were walking through Boston to Dad's apartment. "I dunno," I said. "Depends when you come to Chicago."  
  
There was a pause. "How's Abby?" he asked.  
  
"She's good," I said.  
  
Dad grinned. "When are you gonna get your act together and marry that girl?"  
  
"I'm working on it," I said. And it was true. I was working on it. I was trying to come up with a really orginal proposal. Something that hadn't been done, something amazing, something unforgettable. Something she wouldn't be able to refuse.  
  
*******************************  
  
"Don't you have a plane to catch?"  
  
I opened my eyes to see my father standing over me. The clock on the night stand said 9:03. My plane was at 10:00. I sat bolt up right. "Shit!"  
  
"I'll call you a cab," Dad said as he left the room.  
  
********************************  
  
Forty-five minutes later I was running as fast as I could through the airport. I couldn't miss this plane. It was the last one until the day after Christmas.  
  
As I rounded a corner, my gate came into view. I slammed my boarding pass onto counter and breathlessly asked, "Am I too late?"  
  
*******************************  
  
"God, that just looks horrible," Susan said. We were sitting on my couch watching the news. There had been some sort of plane crash.  
  
"It's official," the reporter was saying. "There are no survivors from flight 546, from Logan Airport in Boston to O'Hare in Chicago. We will have a passenger list momentarily.  
  
My heart froze. Boston to Chicago? It couldn't possibly be . . .there was no way . . . Carter hadn't been on that plane . . . had he?  
  
Susan's voice drew me back to reality. "Abby?" I looked at her. "Was that. . .?" She couldn't even finish the question. She swallowed the lump in her throat and forced herself to ask the question I didn't want to hear. "Was that Carter's plane?" she asked me.  
  
"I don't know," I answered truthfully. "He didn't give me any of his flight info." I stared at the screen. Rescue workers were scurrying around the wreckage. I didn't know why they were bothering if there were no survivors.  
  
"Abbott, Mary. Ashcroft, Bill. Barkley, Jessica." The reporter had started reading out the passenger list. Thank God he was at the beginning of the alphabet. Susan grabbed my hands.  
  
"Mommy?" Bry had woken up from her afternoon nap. I shushed her.  
  
"Bernard, Mark. Bush, Kelly. Calvin, Thomas. Carter, John. . ."  
  
I stopped listening. He was dead. After everything, John died in a fucking plane crash.  
  
"What's wrong, Mommy?" Bry asked. That was when I realized that tears were streaming down my face. "Mommy, why are you crying?" Bry sounded scared.  
  
I looked at her. I didn't know what to say. How do you tell your four-year-old daughter that her father is dead?  
  
Review! Back with more soon! 


	17. Sweet Dreams and Flying Machines

Just yesterday morning they let me know you were gone  
  
Susanne the plans they made put an end to you  
  
I walked out this morning and I wrote down this song  
  
I just can't remember who to send it to  
  
I've seen fire and I've seen rain  
  
I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end  
  
I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend  
  
But I always thought that I'd see you again  
  
Won't you look down upon me, Jesus  
  
You've got to help me make a stand  
  
You've just got to see me through another day  
  
My body's aching and my time is at hand  
  
And I won't make it any other way  
  
Oh, I've seen fire and I've seen rain  
  
I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end  
  
I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend  
  
But I always thought that I'd see you again  
  
Been walking my mind to an easy time my back turned towards the sun  
  
Lord knows when the cold wind blows it'll turn your head around  
  
Well, there's hours of time on the telephone line to talk about things  
  
to come  
  
Sweet dreams and flying machines in pieces on the ground  
  
Oh, I've seen fire and I've seen rain  
  
I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end  
  
I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend  
  
But I always thought that I'd see you, baby, one more time again, now  
  
Thought I'd see you one more time again  
  
There's just a few things coming my way this time around, now  
  
Thought I'd see you, thought I'd see you fire and rain, now  
  
- James Taylor  
  
I lay on my bed staring at the ceiling. I could hear the muffled sounds of Susan and Bryanne playing in the next room.  
  
I knew Susan was grieving too but I just couldn't face Bry right now. I couldn't do anything. I couldn't think. I couldn't even cry.  
  
I rolled over onto my side and hugged my pillow.  
  
Dead.  
  
That word. . .in my head. . .over and over.  
  
Just that word.  
  
That word. . .and John's face.  
  
Dead.  
  
I heard the bedroom door open and I could feel someone crawling across the bed. "Mommy?"  
  
Bry's beautiful face appeared, framed by her redish curls. But all I could see was her eyes. Her father's eyes. Those eyes had been my undoing.  
  
She kissed my cheek. "Don't worry, Mommy," she said. "Daddy will be home soon."  
  
I let out a small sob. Susan lifted Bry off the bed and placed her on the floor. "Go get your shoes on and we'll go to the park," Susan said.  
  
Bry gave me one last concerned look before trudging out of the room.  
  
"You have to tell her," Susan said. "I know it's hard, Abby, but she needs to know."  
  
"It's Christmas Eve," I whispered.  
  
Susan rubbed my shoulder. "I know." She looked at the doorway and I knew Bry had reappeared.  
  
"I'm ready Aunt Susan."  
  
************************  
  
I knew from my clock that they had been gone for about two hours but it felt like days.  
  
I was sitting on the edge of my bed staring at the floor.  
  
"How you doing?" Susan asked. I didn't answer. She hadn't expected me to.  
  
Someone knocked on the door. Susan reluctantly left me to answer it. She stood in front of it for a moment, wiping tears from her face.  
  
I braced myself. I knew that whoever was behind that door had heard about Carter and had come to console me. But I didn't want consolation. I wanted Carter.  
  
Susan gasped and I looked up. I couldn't see who it was because the door was in my way. When Susan finally found her voice she said, "Oh my God. . ."  
  
Ooooh, a cliff hanger. I'm evil. Bwhahahahaha! Anyway, review and there is more to follow. 


	18. Christmas Miracle

I stumbled backwards as Susan threw her arms around me. "Wow, uh, I missed you to, Susan," I said, patting her on the back.  
  
She stepped back and smiled at me through her tears. I was about to ask her what was wrong when Abby knocked her out of the way and leapt into my arms. I could feel her tears on my neck.  
  
"What's going on?" I asked.  
  
Abby kissed me. "We thought you were dead," she said, dragging me into the apartment.  
  
I crinkled my brow. "What?"  
  
"There was a plane crash. They read out a passenger list. You were on it." Abby seemed to have become suddenly inarticulate.  
  
"I missed my plane," I told her. "They must have thought I was on the plane because I had checked in. But I didn't get to the gate in time. I rented a car."  
  
Abby just smiled at me, her eyes shinning with tears.  
  
"I'm gonna go," Susan said. "I'll see you guys tomorrow for Christmas dinner." She gave me another hug. "I'm so glad you missed your plane." And she was gone.  
  
**********************  
  
"Daddy!" Bry shrieked as I stepped into her room. I scooped her up and covered her with kisses. "Mommy missed you so much," she said.  
  
I sat down on her bed. "What about you?" I asked. "Did you miss me?"  
  
Bry nodded. "I wanted you to be home for Christmas," she said. "I made you and Mommy presents at school."  
  
Last week, Bry's pre-school teacher had given Abby the already- wrapped gifts that Bry had made us.  
  
I gave Bry another kiss. "I get to open my present tomorrow, don't I?" I asked.  
  
Bry nodded again. "Tomorrow's Christmas."  
  
*********************  
  
"Shhhh. . ." I put my finger to my lips as Abby tripped over the coffee table.  
  
Abby grinned and placed the last present under the tree. I was eating the cookies and milk that Bry had left for Santa.  
  
The three stockings hung on the wall were full and there was an impressive amount of presents under the tree.  
  
We finished setting up at about midnight and Abby took my hand and led me to the bedroom. She had made an allowance for Christmas Eve and let me stay the night.  
  
As we lay in bed with our arms around each other, I realized that I hadn't been this excited about Christmas since I was ten years old.  
  
"Merry Christmas, Abby" I whispered.  
  
She snuggled closer to me. "Merry Christmas, John."  
  
I buried my face in her hair. How did I ever live with out her? 


	19. Christmas Morning

On Christmas morning I was woken up by an "oof," coming from Carter. Bry had jumped on his stomach. She didn't seem at all bothered by the fact that he was in my bed.  
  
"Merry Christmas," she sang. "Let's open presents!"  
  
Carter groaned. "It's 6am."  
  
I giggled. "Welcome to my world."  
  
Bry led us to the living room. "Look, look!" she said, pointing to the empty plate and glass. "Santa came!"  
  
I took the stockings down and handed mine to Carter, Carter's to Bry, and I kept Bry's. The three of us sat down on the sofa. "Me first!" Bry said, thrusting her hand into Carter's stocking. She handed him a gift.  
  
"A CD!" he exclaimed, unwrapping the present. "Thank you Santa," he said, looking right at me.  
  
We worked our way through the stockings and then through the gifts under the tree. Bry got everything she asked for, minus the pony and the baby sister. Carter got a couple more CDs, an engraved pocket watch, and a new coat. I also got some CDs, a gorgeous hair clip, and a very tasteful, very expensive tennis bracelet.  
  
Finally only Bry's presents for us were left. She gave Carter his first. It was a coffee mug that Bry had painted and her teacher had written "DADDY" on it in big, bold letters. I could tell from his face that he loved it.  
  
He pulled the little girl into a hug. "It's beautiful, Bryanne," he said.  
  
She took the last present from under the tree and gave it to me. "This one's yours, Mommy."  
  
It was a star for the top of our tree. Bry had covered it in aluminum foil and glued beads all over it. In the middle was a picture of the three of us taken right after Carter moved back to Chicago. I could feel my eyes well up with tears.  
  
"Oh, honey," I said. "It's perfect. I love it." I stood up and placed it on top of the tree. "I can't believe you made that, baby."  
  
She smiled at me. "My teacher helped," she said. "But only a little."  
  
"You know. . ." Carter said. "I think there might be one more present. . ."  
  
He disappeared into my bedroom and returned with a fat envelope. He handed it to me. I opened it slowly.  
  
"What is it, Mommy?" Bry asked.  
  
"Plane tickets," I said. I looked at them more closely. "Tickets to Florida." I looked up at him, puzzled. He nodded at the envelope. I reached my hand in again. "Oh my God," I said. "Disneyworld." I was stunned. "Bry! Daddy's taking us to Disneyworld!"  
  
Bry yelped and flung herself at Carter. He laughed. "So, I take it you want to go?"  
  
"Yes! Are we going now?"  
  
Carter laughed again. "No. We're going in two weeks."  
  
"How long is that?" Bry asked, starting to pout.  
  
"Fourteen days," I said.  
  
"Fourteen days! That's forever." Bry stuck her bottom lip out.  
  
Carter gently poked it back in. "It won't seem so long," he said. 


	20. Motherly Love

The day after Christmas, my mother came into town to meet Bry. Mom and I had taken her to the zoo. Abby, luckily for her, had to work.  
  
I plopped down on the sofa and ran my hand through my hair. Spending an entire day with my mother was. . .well, exhausting. So exhausting, in fact, that Bryanne was fast asleep on a bed upstairs in the mansion.  
  
"She really is beautiful," Mom said.  
  
"Who?"  
  
"What do you mean, who? Bryanne, that's who."  
  
I smiled. "Yeah, she's gorgeous."  
  
"But, John. . ." She sat down on the sofa. "Are you sure she's yours?"  
  
"I'm sorry?" Was she kidding? Bry couldn't look more like me if we had cloned her. Except for the fact that she had Abby's nose and coloring.  
  
"Well, it's just that, I wouldn't be surprised if this woman lied to you just to get some of your money."  
  
"By 'this woman,' I suppose you mean Abby?"  
  
"Yes. I just want you to think about this reasonable before you get to emotionally attached."  
  
"Attached to my daughter?" Did she honestly think I was going to be taking parenting advice from her?  
  
"I just don't want Abby to disappoint you . . .or hurt you." She reached out for me but I backed away.  
  
"No, of course not. That's your job, isn't it?" I couldn't believe I was having this conversation.  
  
"She just doesn't seem good enough for you, John. I know I haven't been the best mother but I'm trying to make up for it now by protecting you." She stood up and walked towards me.  
  
"You want to be a good mother?" I hissed. "Then be supportive."  
  
She sighed. "It's not that easy, John. Wait until that little girl grows up and starts dating someone you don't approve of. Then you'll understand."  
  
"What I don't understand is why you don't approve of Abby." I crossed my arms. This should be interesting.  
  
"I think she's a gold digger," she said, bluntly.  
  
I laughed. "Trust me, Mom. Abby couldn't be less interested in my money if she tried."  
  
"All good con-artists make you think the exact opposite of what's true."  
  
"You're paranoid," I said. "You're gonna have to come up with a better argument than that if you expect me to take you seriously." I walked across the room to the bar. I had a feeling I was gonna need a stiff drink before this was all over.  
  
"She's a whore."  
  
I froze, the brandy bottle in mid-pour. "What did you say?" I asked quietly, my back to my mother.  
  
"She's a whore. She's probably slept with every man at the hospital."  
  
I turned on my heels. "Abby is NOT a whore. She is NOT a gold digger. And she IS good enough for me." I slammed the bottle on the counter. "If you were expecting me to agree with you and just drop her, then you've got another think coming."  
  
"Can't you just think about the possibility that. . ."  
  
"No! You don't know her. I know her. I love her. And she loves me. That's all there is to think about."  
  
Mom sighed again. "There's no sense in trying to tell you anything. You just never listen." She stormed out of the room, into the library.  
  
I turned around to go into the hall and I saw Abby standing in the doorway, tears streaming down her face. 


	21. Invitation

OK, this was supposed to be the very first chapter of this fic but, for some reason, it didn't upload properly. So this is supposed to go right before the chapter called "Getting Ready." I thought I might as well post this now. Better late then never. . .right?  
  
Carter stared at the tickets in his hand. He had bought them in February. He had bought them for her. But now they were just friends. If that. They joked together and got along fine but they never really talked much outside of the hospital.  
  
She had wanted to go to the show so badly. He thought it would make a great early Christmas gift. And now he didn't have the foggiest idea what to do with them.  
  
He had been up the night before, trying to decide what to do with them. They'd been expensive and he actually really wanted to go. So he had decided to invite Mandy, the cute girl in his building he had been flirting with lately. But then he saw her that morning and all he could think about was Abby, Abby, Abby.  
  
He hated it. He had broken up with her, for crying out loud. He should be over her. And he thought he was. Until he looked at those tickets. Carter smiled as he remembered the look on Abby's face when she found out that Robin Williams would be performing his new stand-up comedy routine in Chicago.  
  
"I LOVE him, John!" she cried when she saw the poster. "I saw him live years and years ago, before he was really famous and he was just great. I bet that'll be a really good show." Carter had said nothing. He had begun a secret plot to buy tickets and surprise her with them on the night of the show. The show was in seven hours and he still didn't have anyone to go with.  
  
He stuffed the tickets back into their envelope and put the envelope back in his locker. He could just give the tickets to Abby. Then she could take whomever she wanted. He shrugged. It was the adult thing to do. After all, he had bought the tickets for her.  
  
His shift was over in an hour. . .and so was hers. He decided he'd catch up with her then and give her the tickets.  
  
*******************************************  
  
"Abby!" Carter called as he followed her out into the ambulance bay. She had her coat wrapped tightly around her and she looked surprised and annoyed.  
  
"What?" she asked impatiently.  
  
Carter reached into his pocket. "I bought these for you. . .well, for us. . .in February when we were still. . .you know. But now. . .well, I thought you might still like to go." He handed her the envelope.  
  
She looked at him and hesitated slightly but eventually took the envelope from him. She opened and read the tickets.  
  
"Oh my God," she said. "I can't believe you got these." She smiled at him. "These are for tonight? Nothing like waiting until the last minute huh, Car. . ." she paused. "You spent $100 on these tickets?!?"  
  
Carter grinned sheepishly. "Well, $200, actually. They were $100 a piece."  
  
"Wow, John. I don't know what to say." Abby reached out and pulled Carter into a rather awkward hug. "So, um, do you want to pick me up or should I met you at the theatre?"  
  
This question caught Carter off guard. "Actually, I thought. . ." he was going to say that he thought she could go with Susan or something but then stopped himself. He was being given a chance to go on a sort-of-date with Abby. And besides, he did REALLY want to go. "I thought we could go out to dinner first," he finished. "The show starts at 8 so I'll pick you up at 6 and we can go to Monticello's, if you want."  
  
"That's sounds good. I'll see you then." She started to walk away but stopped and turned around. "This isn't just some sort of lame attempt to get into my pants, is it?" she teased.  
  
Carter could feel himself blush. "Uh, no, no, of course not," he stammered.  
  
She looked at him quizzically. Then she smiled. "See you at 6!" And she was gone. 


	22. Last Straw

CARTER'S POV ***********************  
  
I stood, nailed to the floor, as I watched Abby bolt out the front door. When my brain finally connected to my feet, I ran after her.  
  
She was sitting on the steps, her head in her hands. I put my arm around her but she moved away. "Abby. . ."  
  
"Don't say anything, John," she said. There's nothing to be said."  
  
"Yes there is. My mother's a bitch. I've told you that a hundred times. She's horrible."  
  
"It's not what she said." Abby looked up at me. "It's what you said."  
  
"I defended you," I said. "I didn't say anything."  
  
She looked out across the yard. "You said she'd have to come up with a better argument if you were gonna take her seriously."  
  
I just looked at her. What the hell was she on about?  
  
"You actually considered taking her seriously." Abby glared at me. "If you really loved me, it wouldn't even cross your mind that she could make a valid point against me."  
  
"No. . .I didn't mean. . . I just phrased it wrong, Abby. You know what I meant."  
  
She shook her head. "No I don't. You'll have to explain it to me." She looked at me expectantly but I knew that whatever explanation I gave would not be accepted.  
  
"I was just trying to shut her up. I love you. I don't care if she said anything valid, which she didn't. I wouldn't care if you were just after my money or if you had slept with every guy at the hospital. I love you."  
  
She looked at me skeptically. "You would so care if I were only after your money," she said, wiping away her tears.  
  
"Yeah, I know," I grumbled. She laughed bitterly. "But I'd still love you," I insisted. "Nothing could ever change that."  
  
She still didn't look at me. "Maybe your just using me for sex."  
  
"Are you insane?" I asked her. "We've had sex once since I came back to Chicago. If I were going to use someone for sex, I'd make sure that we actually, you know. . .had sex."  
  
She laughed. "I'm sorry for over reacting," she said, resting her head on my shoulder. "I'm not really mad at you. I'm mad at your mother."  
  
"Join the club," I said, wrapping my arm around her shoulder. "I've been mad at her for about thirty years now."  
  
Someone cleared their throat behind us. We turned around to see my mother standing in the doorway with her hands on her hips.  
  
"Your daughter is awake and calling for her mother," she said to me. She put a sarcastic emphasis on the word 'daughter.' She didn't seem to have heard a word Abby and I had said. She also seemed completely unaware that Abby had overheard her.  
  
Abby smiled sweetly. "Why don't you comfort her, Eleanor? I'm sure you don't want a whore like me anywhere near your granddaughter."  
  
This caught Mom off guard. Her mouth fell open for a moment and then she turned to me. "You had no right to tell her what I said."  
  
"Mom. . .I didn't tell her anything. She heard you. She was standing in the hall."  
  
Mom turned on Abby. "It's rude to eve's drop," she hissed. She was going to do whatever she could to shift the blame off her.  
  
"It's also rude to call someone a whore," Abby said.  
  
************************** ABBY'S POV  
  
"It's not rude if it's the truth," Eleanor said.  
  
Carter jerked forward as if he were going to hit her. I grabbed his arm to stop him. "She's NOT a whore," he snarled.  
  
I stood beside him, biting my bottom lip. I'd never seen him so angry. His fists were clenched and the muscles in his jaw were tense.  
  
I stepped in front of him. Despite the clear signs of anger, I could see in his eyes that he'd been hurt by Eleanor's words. "John just drop it," I said quietly, but loudly enough so that Eleanor could hear me. "It doesn't matter."  
  
"Of course it matters," Eleanor said. "I'm his mother. He cares what I think because I'm his mother." She had a triumphant smirk on her face because she knew she was right. But Carter wouldn't hear it.  
  
"You're not my mother." He stormed into the house leaving me alone on the steps with Eleanor.  
  
"Why does he hate me?" she asked. It wasn't a rhetorical question.  
  
"Because you're a bitch," I said.  
  
She pressed her lips together. "He's my son," she said sadly. "I love him. I just want him to have the best."  
  
I said nothing. When Carter came outside again he was holding Bryanne in his arms. He stopped, as if to say something to Eleanor but changed his mind and walked to the jeep. I followed.  
  
"John," Eleanor called. I could hear her voice break as she started to cry. I almost felt sorry for her. "John, I'm sorry." He ignored her.  
  
As he buckled Bry into her car seat she said, "Mommy, why is the mean lady crying?"  
  
This made Eleanor sob even harder and she disappeared into the house. I looked at Carter reproachfully. His face was hard as stone. He shook his head, warning me not to say anything.  
  
I took his hand and didn't let go until we were home. 


End file.
